notwalking | DPS (DA PANS SOCIETY)

[Neil's all too focused now - focused on Charlie. The touch is tender. Charlie's smile is...one only Neil really sees, he thinks. That makes his heart pound. He ends up letting out a laugh, nervous and a little too high-pitched. He clears his throat.]

I'm with you. Of course. Always.

[ Charlie's heart isn't exactly slow and steady at the moment either. Neil makes him crazy like no one else does; it's not like Charlie follows so readily after anyone else, after all. He's spent years at Neil's side, and he's only ever wanted to stay longer, be closer.

He's pushed little by little over time, testing what he could get away with between them, but this is by far the most he's tested Neil. The fact that he hasn't made an excuse to back away yet says a lot. His eyes are still on Charlie's, wide and wondering, trusting.

He thinks he can get away with more. ]

Close your eyes. You're still thinking too much.

[Neil does trust him. He trusts that he's thinking too much. It feels like he's thinking too much. What's the goal, then? Not to think of anything at all, maybe. Closing his eyes, it feels easy, all darkness and sensation. Think of nothing. Charlie will tell him what to do next. He waits to hear that voice (and, so, he isn't thinking of nothing - of course, he isn't thinking of nothing).]

[ And there it is. Neil closes his eyes.

Neil Perry sits next to him, the fading light of the sunset through the trees settled and shadowed in the planes of his face. Hair a little mussed like it always is at the end of a long day when he hasn't had time to neatly comb it. Dark lashes fanned out against high cheekbones, slightly parted lips.

It's the best chance Charlie will ever get. If Neil shoves him away, if they have to laugh it off and pretend it never happened, so be it. One perfect moment might be worth all that pain.

He doesn't let go of the hand held tightly in his own, even as he leans in close. His other hand drifts up Neil's arm, his shoulder, raises to hold his chin.

Charlie draws him in the rest of the way, that little distance still between them. Holds his face there, more tender than he's ever held anything in such rich, foolish hands, and lets their lips meet. Soft. Softer than he's kissed anyone else, guy or girl. No one else gets Charlie like this.

It's a kiss that could ever only be meant for Neil.

He'll only ever be meant for Neil. He's sure of it. ]

[It's Charlie.

[His hand is squeezed - it's Charlie. A finger tucked under his chin - why question it? Charlie. The scent of his breath gets closer - Charlie. Neil's face is held...

[This part happens slowly. Time crawls, that moment before their kiss. Neil feels his stomach drop like someone looking down at the street from a tall building. It's probably a joke. That's the thing. He doesn't like that. But it couldn't be that. It's Charlie. He holds him so tenderly...

[This part happens fast. They kiss. It isn't enough. Neil's heart leaps into his throat, his hand grips Charlie's, tight, his eyes have to squeeze to stay shut--

[Soft, soft, impossibly soft, because it's Charlie, and Neil knows Charlie, his gentleness...

[But then it's over. Neil doesn't want it to be over. Reality slips back in too fast. His eyes open. He stammers like an idiot, questions that don't make it past the first word - cuts himself off, laughing--

[Laughing. Grinning. He hangs his head and scratches at the back of his neck. Let Charlie speak first. Surely he'll have something to say. Give Neil a moment to let the world stop spinning.]

[ Neil doesn't pull away, doesn't shove him off. His lips move softly against Charlie's as the chill of autumn's dusk begins to edge into their bones. It's the greatest thing to happen in his young life, and it's over too soon.

His own eyes open to see Neil smiling– grinning, wide and toothy and infuriatingly charming. There's no shock, or rage, or hurt, or– whatever else Charlie's feared for so long that it now feels royally stupid. He feels himself grinning too, boyish and wild.

He lets the hand beneath Neil's chin fall down to rest against his shoulder. ]

Well? Did that do the trick, or are you still thinking?

[ He squeezes Neil's other hand, a single pulse to try to get his attention, his tone smug and playful all at once. ]

'Cause if at first you don't succeed...

[Attention grasped. Neil looks up at Charlie, grin smaller, but not unhappy, not uncertain - unsteady, maybe, but not in a bad way. He stares at Charlie for a good few seconds, trying to process his words. Once he finally does, he lets out a bright laugh, shaking his head.]

No. No, I'm not thinking anything at all. I don't want to start. Jesus...

[A sudden nervous tightness in his throat. He swallows it down, another laugh squeaking out. His smile fades into a bite to his lower lip. He squeezes Charlie's hand.]

That's alright? It is?

[ Jesus. The funniest thing about Neil, the thing that's tortured Charlie the most for years, is that he has no idea how he looks. He laughs, his eyes crinkle up, he bites his goddamn lip– he's beautiful.

Charlie's had eyes for many people throughout his young life. He's never thought one of them was beautiful.

Their clasped hands have been an anchor point, but he finally lets go now so he can turn more toward him, both of his hands over Neil's shoulders. They smooth over them, up to the sides of his neck and back down again. ]

It's alright with me. Is it alright with you?

[ Say yes. Let yourself want this one thing.

And then, inevitably, his own expression starts to creep into a smirk. ]

Try it again if you're not sure.

[When Charlie puts his hands on Neil's shoulders, it's easy to feel nervous - only for a moment, only because he hadn't at all expected to be kissed. He pulls his lips in, a funny sort of face that pulls back out into a laugh, a grin. He rolls his eyes just a bit, so terribly fond. His heart is in his throat.]

Yeah. I should. [He should. Charlie kissed Neil. Now Neil gets to kiss Charlie.

[He does, and it's a little quicker than the first one. Neil isn't satisfied with that, so he dips back in for another, just a little slower.

[His blood seems to ignite. It's an excitement he's yet to feel - alive, awake, inspiring. He doesn't know what it means, but maybe he doesn't want to. It could mean everything.]

Ha...[He closes his eyes. He's still smiling.]

Jesus, Charlie...You really think we could? No. We can. We have--

Yes. Yes, it's alright with me.

[A sudden worry, though, despite. His smile fades just a bit. He bites his lip again.]

Just between you and me. Right?

[ He figured Neil would pull away again, keep talking, keep questioning. All Charlie wants is for them to stay in this perfect moment, shrouded from the rest of the school, kissing until darkness falls around them.

But it's an important question.

Charlie drapes his arms over Neil's bony shoulders, clasps his hands loosely behind him so he's trapped in their loop. Looks at him in the eye for a moment, his own expression unreadable. He wants to remember this: How Neil looked when he was allowing himself to want something, to have something; to want Charlie, to have Charlie. ]

Yeah. Just between you and me.

[ It's serious, significant. This moment and any others like it are for no one but them.

Then he breaks that somber air with grin, eyebrows rising. ]

You really think I wanna deal with the rest of them knowing? They'd never shut up about it. It's hard enough to keep 'em in line.

['Just bewteen you and me,' - a promise, hanging their between them. Neil lets it settle over his heart. He trusts Charlie implicitly - more so than he does anyone else in the world, he thinks. And he knows that that trust is well-founded. No one else has to know, and--

[Neil laughs, bright and sudden, the sound bursting through the air around them. He feels joy - just what he's always chasing, so rarely finds in moments that aren't far too fleeting.]

They'd never. Shut up. [He laughs again, fond to death of his friends, fonder still of Charlie. He wants to kiss him again, but he waits only because he knows he'll be able to--

[He'll be able to...now. And tomorrow. Whenever he wants...

[His heart is in his throat again. When did his arms find their way around Charlie's middle? Just the same way Charlie has his looped around Neil's neck.]

Well, I think they'd be jealous. Personally. [A clear tease - he can't even begin to consider whether or not his friends have the same unconventional feelings that he has toward--

[Yes. Better not to think about it, really.

[He finds himself looking away again, between them, still smiling at the ground as he bites his lip.]

I like it better. This way.

Just between you and me.

[ He hears the tease in Neil's words, knows they're not sincere at all, but he can't help but scoff. Neil's one of the biggest brains he knows, and he's a real idiot sometime. Some of them really would be jealous, but not of Neil.

It's a fierce satisfaction that runs through his veins. Of all the people who could have gotten Neil Perry, it was him.

It's just between them.

Charlie scrubs an affectionate hand through Neil's hair, messing up that perfect schoolboy cut and grinning at him, wide and wild. ]

We're gonna have to find more hiding places.

[ Some hopefully even more private than this. ]

Come on. It's getting dark.

[ Hager will check on their common room before bed, and Charlie doesn't really give a shit about demerits, but he's got to spend at least a little while convincing Neil that this little affair won't reflect badly on his pristine Welton record.

He stands, a hand extended to haul Neil up too, right into his arms for one last embrace. ]

Edited (when da subject line gets eated...) 2024-11-16 08:15 (UTC)

DPS (DA PANS SOCIETY)

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OH KILLING U FOR THIS THE WAY I AM KILLING U

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we can probably move toward a wrap OUGHHH

godddddddDDDDDDDDD SEE YOU IN JANUARY